If it wasn’t enough to have January being one of the coldest, if not dreariest, months of the year, they had to go and dub it the month more couples break up than any other month of the year.

Six out of ten couples will break up this month. Sounds awful, doesn’t it?

I never cared much for January anyway. After-Christmas bills are piling in, it’s too cold to enjoy most outdoor sports (or the ones I like anyway), and everything looks so bare and dreary. No wonder this is the month for the most breakups.

But, other than that, why is it that January beats out the others?

Here’s my educated guess. Valentine’s Day is right around the corner.

Something clicks in people’s heads that if they plan on getting out, they better do it now before it’s too late. When Valentine’s Day hits, they surely want to be with someone they love, or they don’t want to break their once-loved one’s heart on the most romantic day of the year so they do it now.

Another reason why it might be that January brings forth more breakups than any other month could be that the new year signals new beginnings. It is a time when people step back and reflect on the previous year, and if there are changes to be made, this is the time to do it.

Unfortunate for some, these changes include a reevaluation of their love life.

If a relationship isn’t working, and can’t be fixed, a breakup is inevitable. The Dear John or Dear Janet letter goes out, and that’s if they even bother to tell them at all. Believe me, from what I hear, some choose to just vanish from the scene of the crime without any warning, the dirty scumbags that they are.

So, what happens if you’re the dumpee?

After you’ve mourned the loss of your relationship, turn the other cheek and try to learn what it is you were supposed to learn from the relationship. Every relationship is a learning lesson in humility, courage and stamina. Other lessons will be learned, but those are enough in itself.

If you keep in mind that every single person who comes into your life from here on out on a soul mate basis does so for a reason, it helps you to see why it is that people are there in the first place. Some are not meant to be long-term. In fact, some just come into your life to help you with a particular situation, and they are gone. More than likely, most of them left in January, according to statistics, but even though they are gone in the flesh, their spirit will linger forever.

The reason for this is that when two soul mates meet in the first place, it is one spirit calling to another. The one spirit recognizes the other spirit from a previous life perhaps, but whatever the case, there is instant recognition.

That recognition, that spiritual connection, will never go away even if the breakup ends on less than amicable terms.

This may or may not be what you want to hear, but from a professional stand-point, this is what happens.

So, if you happen to be one of the statistics this year, and you become the victim of a breakup, remember that there was a reason for the two of you to come together in the first place. Figure out what it was that you learned from it, and go on from there.

Breaking up is certainly hard to do because nothing hurts worse than the pain of the heart.

Even though it seems a callous thing on the part of your boyfriend/girlfriend, think of it as a favor. To extend a bad relationship would be detrimental to your well-being. Things would only escalate, and who knows what might happen.

There is a distinct plan for you, and this certain person was only meant to come into your life to teach you something, or you teach him, so find ways to look on this as a learning experience. You’ll come out ahead in the long run and it will only empower you for the next relationship.

And just think of how nice the next one will be because you have learned a valuable lesson that will give you more strength and power than you had before.

With each relationship, you grow stronger and more confident in what does and does not make you happy. Before long, you will find the one who is supposed to be with you on a long term basis.

Meanwhile, pick up the pieces, learn what it is you are supposed to learn from this relationship, and move on into a better life and a better world of pure, soul mate love.

© Dorothy Thompson

Relationship expert Dorothy Thompson is the editor/contributing author of ROMANCING THE SOUL and coaches those seeking answers to their soul mate questions. You can visit her website for more advice at www.soulmatetriangle.com.

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My goodness, Facebook is on crack today with birthday wishes.  It’s absolutely awesome!  I haven’t been able to get a bit of work done but I guess everyone will forgive me.  I want to thank everyone who has sent birthday wishes and I hope I’ve thanked everyone…they’re coming in by the truckloads so if I haven’t gotten to you yet, I will throughout the day.

Another year of life under the belt.  You know, if I can get reflective right now (and it’s my birthday so humor me), looking back over the years and seeing where I’ve come today, I just have to pinch myself.  For some, it’s fame,  for others fortune, but for me, it’s happiness.

Happiness comes from enjoying life.  Enjoying your family, your livelihood, your passions. 

I have always believed that no matter what kind of hard knocks you get, it only makes you a stronger person and I also always believed that in your life’s path, whatever hard knocks come your way are there for reasons.  These reasons are what you have to figure out because once you do, you’re back on the right path.

My daughter just came back from her first trip to D.C.  She was with a friend and together they wanted to just “check it out.”  So they figured they’d board the train and go to the National Mall.  Sounds easy, doesn’t it?  So she calls me on her cell and says, “We’re on the blue train and don’t know how to get on the red train (or vice versa) and no one will help us!”  So, she told me to google it.  I’m googling it, map questing it, and I can’t figure it out either and there are a lot of back and forth phone calls.  I’m frantic because she and this friend are on foot on a train not knowing where in the hell they’re going.  As a mother, no matter how old your child is, you want to help and there wasn’t a darn thing I could do about it.

So she calls a little while later while I’m in between checking out sites to find out what she is supposed to do and she says, “We found it.”

She then starts sending me pictures of neat things there including a picture of the Smithsonian which I’ve never been to and would die to go to.

The moral of this story is that something kicked in.  Instead of relying on others to help (forget people on the train to help you), she did it herself and it’s all part of the learning process which will make her able to do it again without freaking out and will turn her into a stronger person.

On one of the streets she had been walking in a heat index of 105 while trying to find the National  Mall, she spotted a homeless person and sent a picture to me.  The guy was on the ground leaning up beside a building.  You could obviously tell he was homeless.  I know there are lots of reasons why people are homeless – loss of jobs, drugs or drinking problems, you name it, but if only they knew how to get themselves out of the situation instead of languishing in self-destruction, then their life would be great again.  Has this homeless guy even tried or has he given up?

You can’t give up.  Take advantage of every single breathing minute and do something for yourself to make your life a better one.

A few days ago, both my son and daughter asked me what I wanted to do on my birthday and I told them both, what would make my birthday the best it could be is for me to do something that makes me happy.   It doesn’t have to be something over the top at all because that’s not the way I am.  My perfect birthday would be to be with my family (which we’re going to get some Tammy & Johnny’s chicken – the best in the world), come back here and eat it and go for a walk on the beach.

Oh, and a scooter ride.

You would think that sounds like the most boring thing to do and to you it might, but to me, it’s the best thing in the world to be with my kids and go for a walk on the beach afterwards.

So I’ll leave you with that and I just want you to know I appreciate all the birthday wishes but my one wish for all of you is this.  Do something for yourself today.  That’s the best gift you could give me.

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Cheating has been around since the beginning of time but knowing that doesn’t do a thing to relieve the stress of wondering if a perfectly happy relationship is heading for Doomsville simply because it’s all you’ve known.  Today’s letter comes from Sam who is a single mom and has been up and down the cheating highway.  Sam would like to know how to get off the cheating highway before it’s too late.

“Hi Dorothy, my name is Sam and I realy need wise advice please. My dad was a serial cheat from the very start of his marriage and alot of my previous relationships have been involved with cheaters. I was a single mum for a long time, but now i’m with someone I realy love and I know he loves me, but I always pick silly fights to test his love and push him away. I’m just convinced all men will cheat but I realy feel he is the “one” I just want to chill out and enjoy our relationship but I find im always anxious about future.”

Hi Sam,

Here’s the thing.  Cheating is all you’ve ever known so it’s natural you’re going to believe that everyone is going to cheat.  If there is any way possible, start over.  Forget the past and tell yourself this is the first day of YOUR life and I’m going to be happy.  Then, I want you to become involved in something.  Anything.  Take your passion whatever it is and pursue it with a vengeance.  Don’t worry about other people.  Live your own life.  If you continue to push, your mate is going to not respect you for who you really are.  And that’s not what you want, right?

Your upbringing taught you all men are going to cheat so of course you’re going to assume anyone who loves you has that potential to cheat.  You loved your dad, right?  He loved you, right?  So inside your head you’re saying to yourself all men who love me or love me back is going to cheat.  My advice to you would be to create a person within yourself that you know is there who is worthy of someone’s unconditional love.  Once you have practiced this, everything falls into place.

Find your passion and pursue it with a vengeance. ;o)

If you have a soul mate relationship question, email Dorothy at Dorothy(at)soulmatetriangle.com or click on the contact button at the top of the page to fill out the form.  Thank you and I look forward to having your question featured at The Soul Mate Triangle!

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